As mental health professionals, October holds particular significance in our practice. While pumpkins appear on doorsteps and conversations turn to autumn celebrations, we are acutely aware that for many families, this month carries a different weight entirely. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time dedicated to acknowledging a grief that too often remains invisible.
In our collective years working with bereaved parents, and some of us experiencing this loss ourselves, we’ve witnessed firsthand how isolating this grief can feel. Our society has become somewhat more comfortable discussing mental health, yet pregnancy and infant loss still exists in an uncomfortable silence. Parents who’ve experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death frequently express they feel pressure to move on quickly, to try again, to be grateful for other children they may have. What they rarely hear is the simple truth: their grief is valid, their baby mattered, their pain deserves recognition, and they should grieve as long as they need.
The Unique Nature of Perinatal Grief
Pregnancy and infant loss carries distinctive psychological complexities. Parents grieve not only for who their child was, but for who they would have become—first steps never taken, birthdays never celebrated, a lifetime of moments that will never exist. This is what we call ambiguous loss, mourning someone you may never have held or, in cases of early miscarriage, never even announced you were expecting. Parents may also grieve for the person they would have become – a mother, a father, a fellow parent among friends or siblings.
We have sat with mothers who apologize for crying over a loss that happened years ago, as if grief should follow some predetermined timeline. We’ve worked with fathers who felt they had no right to their pain because they weren’t the ones who were pregnant.
What Bereaved Parents Need
Through countless sessions, certain themes emerge about what helps parents navigate this devastating terrain. First and foremost is acknowledgment. When someone says, “I’m sorry for your loss” and means it—when they use the baby’s name if one was given, when they remember due dates or death anniversaries—it matters profoundly. These small acts tell parents their child’s brief existence had meaning.
Bereaved parents also need permission to grieve in their own way and time. Some find comfort in memorial rituals, support groups, or creative expressions of their loss. Others need to retreat inward before they can face their grief openly. Neither approach is wrong. Allowing space for parents to share their experience of the loss, and not just the tidied-up version, can be freeing for parents while also validating for society that grief and loss are often raw and complicated. Our role as mental health professionals—and as a compassionate society—is to hold space for whatever each person needs.
Breaking the Silence
One of the most powerful aspects of our work is witnessing what happens when parents find others who understand their experience. The relief that floods their faces when they realize they’re not alone, that their complicated emotions are normal, that other people have survived this tragic experience—it’s transformative.
This is why awareness months like October matter. Every time someone shares their story, every time we light a candle on October 15th for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, every time we simply acknowledge this grief exists, we chip away at the silence. We create space for healing.
Moving Forward
We want to be clear: healing from pregnancy or infant loss doesn’t mean forgetting or “getting over it.” Parents don’t move on from this loss; they learn to move forward with it. The grief becomes integrated into their story, always present but gradually less consuming. Many parents describe eventually reaching a place where they can hold both their sorrow and their joy, where they can honor their loss while still engaging fully with life.
As we observe this October, I encourage everyone—not just mental health professionals—to consider how we can better support those affected by pregnancy and infant loss. Listen without trying to fix. Remember without expecting them to be “over it.” Acknowledge their loss without minimizing it. Sometimes the most healing thing we can offer is simply our presence and our willingness to sit with someone in their pain and really see what that loss looks like.
To the parents reading this who carry this loss: your grief is real, your baby mattered, and you don’t have to walk through this alone. Whether your loss was yesterday or decades ago, whether you held your baby or never got the chance, your pain deserves recognition and your healing deserves support.
This October, let’s hold space for all the families navigating this profound loss. Let’s say their babies’ names. Let’s remember. And let’s commit to creating a world where no one has to grieve in silence.
If you’re experiencing pregnancy or infant loss, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional, a support group, or organizations dedicated to supporting bereaved families. You deserve compassionate care during this difficult time.
Resources:
Nationalshare.org – The mission of Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc. is to serve those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or in the first few months of life.
The primary purpose is to provide support toward positive resolution of grief experienced at the time of, or following the death of a baby. This support encompasses emotional, physical, spiritual and social healing, as well as sustaining the family unit.
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/chapter/tcf-central-ohio-chapter/ – Offers support groups, resource materials, and more
