Every February, alongside heart-shaped boxes and bouquets, there’s another important conversation happening: Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. While it may seem counterintuitive to discuss relationship violence during a month dedicated to love, the timing is intentional and crucial. As therapists who work with adolescents and families, we’ve seen firsthand how dating violence affects young people, and we want parents, educators, and teens themselves to understand why awareness and prevention are so vital.
Why February Matters
Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month was established to shine a light on an issue that often remains hidden. Adolescence is when most young people experience their first romantic relationships, making it a critical window for education about what healthy relationships look like—and what they don’t. By addressing this topic during a month saturated with messages about love and romance, we create opportunities to contrast the fantasy portrayals of relationships with the reality of what respect, safety, and genuine care actually entail.
In our practice, we’ve worked with too many teenagers who didn’t recognize they were experiencing abuse because it didn’t match what they thought abuse looked like. They believed abuse was only physical violence from adult partners, not realizing that emotional manipulation from a high school boyfriend or girlfriend absolutely counts. This lack of awareness allows harmful patterns to continue and often intensifies over time.
The Reality We’re Facing
The statistics from our field are sobering. Approximately one in three adolescents experiences physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. Nearly half of teens who have been in relationships report experiencing some form of digital dating abuse, such as a partner checking their phone without permission or demanding passwords to social media accounts. These aren’t rare occurrences happening to “other people’s kids”—this is a widespread issue affecting young people across all demographics, socioeconomic backgrounds, and communities.
What particularly concerns us is that many teens don’t report the abuse. Some don’t recognize it as problematic, especially when it’s emotional or psychological rather than physical. Others fear they won’t be believed, worry about getting their partner in trouble, or feel ashamed that they “let this happen” to them. Teen victims often face unique barriers to seeking help, including dependence on parents for transportation, fear of losing social status or friends, and limited access to confidential resources.
What Teen Dating Violence Actually Looks Like
When parents hear “dating violence,” many immediately think of physical abuse. While physical violence certainly occurs in teen relationships, abuse takes many forms, and recognizing the full spectrum is essential for early intervention.
Physical abuse includes hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking, or any unwanted physical contact intended to hurt, intimidate, or control. But we also see emotional and psychological abuse regularly in our sessions with teens: constant criticism and put-downs, extreme jealousy and possessiveness, isolating the teen from friends and family, and threatening to harm themselves if the teen tries to break up. This type of abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence, though it leaves no visible marks.
Sexual abuse and coercion manifest when a partner pressures or forces sexual activity, shares intimate photos without consent, or refuses to respect sexual boundaries. With the prevalence of smartphones, we’ve seen an alarming increase in cases involving “sexting” pressure and the distribution of intimate images as a form of control or retaliation.
Digital abuse has become increasingly common in teen relationships. This includes demanding access to phone, email, or social media passwords, constant texting or calling to monitor the teen’s location and activities, using technology to stalk or harass, and posting embarrassing or threatening content online. Many teens don’t recognize these behaviors as abusive because they’ve normalized constant digital connection and surveillance.
Financial abuse, though less discussed with teens, also occurs when partners pressure teens to buy things for them, steal money, or prevent them from working.
Warning Signs Parents Should Know
As therapists, we encourage parents to trust their instincts when something feels off about their teen’s relationship. While some changes are normal parts of adolescent development, certain red flags warrant closer attention and conversation.
Be alert if your teen suddenly withdraws from family and friends they were previously close to, especially if this coincides with starting a new relationship. Notice if they make excuses for a partner’s jealousy, possessiveness, or controlling behavior, often normalizing or defending actions that are clearly unhealthy. Pay attention to changes in mood, such as increased anxiety, depression, or fearfulness, particularly before or after seeing their partner.
Physical signs like unexplained bruises or injuries, especially when your teen seems evasive about how they occurred, require gentle but direct inquiry. Also watch for a sudden drop in grades or loss of interest in activities and hobbies that once brought them joy. If your teen seems to need constant permission from their partner before making plans or decisions, or if their partner shows up unexpectedly or refuses to give them space, these are concerning patterns.
Changes in how your teen dresses or presents themselves, particularly if it seems driven by a partner’s demands rather than personal preference, can signal control issues. Finally, if you notice your teen protecting their phone obsessively, receiving excessive texts or calls, or seeming anxious about digital communication, it may indicate an unhealthy dynamic.
Why Teens Stay in Abusive Relationships
Parents often struggle to understand why their teen remains in a relationship that’s clearly harmful. From our clinical experience, there are several complex reasons young people stay in abusive situations.
First, many teens genuinely believe they can change their partner or that the abuse is temporary. Adolescents are still developing critical thinking skills and may struggle to see patterns or predict future behavior accurately. They often focus on the good moments and excuse the bad ones.
Fear plays a significant role. Teens may be afraid of what their partner will do if they try to leave, including threats of violence, self-harm, or social retaliation like spreading rumors or sharing private information. Love and attachment also keep teens connected—abusive relationships often involve intense emotions, and teens may feel deeply bonded to their partner despite the harm.
Social pressure can’t be underestimated. If a teen’s friend group includes their partner’s friends, breaking up might mean losing their entire social network. Additionally, if the abuser is popular or well-liked, the teen may fear no one will believe them.
Many teens also lack a framework for what healthy relationships look like. If they’ve witnessed unhealthy relationship dynamics at home or in their community, they may not recognize that their experience is abnormal. Some teens feel a sense of responsibility for their partner’s feelings and behavior, believing the abuse is somehow their fault.
How to Talk to Your Teen
We understand that conversations about dating violence can feel daunting for parents. However, these discussions are too important to avoid. Here’s guidance we provide to parents in our practice.
Start conversations early, before your teen begins dating. Talk about healthy relationship characteristics, boundaries, and respect in age-appropriate ways throughout childhood. This builds a foundation that makes later discussions easier and more natural.
Create a judgment-free zone by approaching conversations with curiosity rather than interrogation. Ask open-ended questions like “How do you feel when you’re with this person?” or “Tell me what you enjoy about this relationship.” Listen more than you lecture, and avoid immediately criticizing their partner, which often causes teens to become defensive and shut down.
Share your values and expectations clearly. Explain what respect, trust, and safety look like in relationships. Discuss consent explicitly—not just regarding sexual activity, but around all aspects of relationships, including privacy, time, and personal boundaries.
Use media as conversation starters. When watching shows or movies together, discuss relationship dynamics you observe. Ask questions like “What do you think about how they treated each other in that scene?” This creates opportunities to discuss healthy and unhealthy behaviors in a less personal context.
If you suspect abuse, express concern without blame. Try saying something like “I’ve noticed some changes lately, and I’m worried about you. I’m here to listen without judgment if you want to talk.” Avoid ultimatums or forbidding the relationship, which may drive your teen further into secrecy.
Believe your teen if they disclose abuse. Many teens who finally gather courage to tell someone are devastated when they’re not believed or when their experience is minimized. Take their concerns seriously, even if the behaviors seem minor to you.
What Teens Need to Know
If you’re a teenager reading this, we want you to understand some essential truths about relationships. You deserve to be treated with respect, always. Your partner should support your friendships, activities, and goals rather than trying to isolate you or tear you down. Jealousy isn’t romantic—it’s a red flag. While it’s normal to occasionally feel jealous, if a partner constantly accuses you of cheating, monitors your activities, or tries to control who you spend time with, that’s not love; it’s control.
You should never feel afraid of your partner or walk on eggshells to avoid their anger. Healthy relationships allow you to express yourself freely without fear of punishment, rage, or retaliation. Your body belongs only to you, and you have the absolute right to say no to any physical or sexual activity at any time, even if you’ve done it before or even if you initially said yes but changed your mind.
It’s not your job to fix, save, or change your partner. If someone threatens to hurt themselves or others if you leave, tell a trusted adult immediately—this is manipulation, not love. Breaking up is your right and doesn’t require your partner’s agreement or approval. If you want to end a relationship, you can, and you deserve support in doing so safely.
Finally, if you’re experiencing abuse, it’s not your fault. Abuse says everything about the abuser’s choices and nothing about your worth. You deserve help, and asking for it isn’t weak—it’s brave.
Resources and Getting Help
If you’re concerned about teen dating violence—whether for your own teen, a student, or yourself—resources are available. The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline (1-866-331-9474) offers confidential support and can be reached via text as well by texting “LOVEIS” to 22522.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) provides support for people of all ages experiencing relationship violence. Many communities also have local domestic violence organizations offering teen-specific services, including support groups, safety planning, and counseling.
Schools often have counselors trained in recognizing and responding to dating violence. Many also participate in awareness initiatives during February, providing educational programs for students. If your teen’s school doesn’t currently address this topic, consider advocating for its inclusion in health education curriculum.
In our practice, we provide individual therapy for teens recovering from abusive relationships, family therapy to help parents support their teens effectively, and group therapy where teens can connect with others who’ve had similar experiences. We also offer preventive education, teaching teens about healthy relationship skills before problems arise.
Prevention Starts with Education
The most effective way to address teen dating violence is through prevention. This means teaching young people about healthy relationships from an early age, modeling respectful behavior in our own relationships, talking openly about consent, boundaries, and respect, and creating environments where teens feel safe disclosing concerns without fear of judgment or punishment.
It also means calling out unhealthy behaviors when we see them, even in seemingly small interactions. When we hear teens describing possessive behavior as “cute” or dismissing jealousy as proof of love, we have opportunities to gently correct these misconceptions. When media portrays stalking as romantic or persistence despite rejection as admirable, we can discuss how these behaviors would feel in real life.
Prevention also requires addressing broader cultural issues around gender, power, and violence. We need to examine the messages we send young people about masculinity, femininity, and relationships. We must challenge beliefs that frame aggression as masculine or submission as feminine, and we need to promote equality, communication, and mutual respect as the foundation of all healthy relationships.
A Message of Hope and Action
Teen dating violence is a serious issue, but it’s not inevitable. With awareness, education, and open communication, we can equip young people with the tools they need to build healthy relationships and recognize unhealthy ones. We can create communities where teens feel supported in seeking help and where abusive behavior is never tolerated or excused.
This February, we encourage everyone to participate in Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month by educating yourself about the signs and risks, talking to the young people in your life about healthy relationships, supporting organizations working to prevent teen dating violence, and advocating for comprehensive relationship education in schools.
Every teen deserves to experience relationships characterized by respect, trust, equality, and joy. By addressing teen dating violence directly and compassionately, we move closer to making that reality possible for all young people. The conversation might feel uncomfortable, but it’s one that could literally save a life. Let’s make sure we’re having it.
