When someone you care about is struggling emotionally, it’s natural to want to help. To step in, soothe the pain, and offer a solution to anything to ease the intensity. But more often than not, families find themselves walking on eggshells, unsure of what to say or do. Trying their best, but feeling like they’re always getting it wrong.
If that sounds familiar, let me say this: you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just trying to help without a roadmap.
One of the most important things I remind families is this: you’re not the therapist. You don’t need to be. But your role still matters a lot.
Families Often Feel Left Out of the Process
When a loved one starts therapy—whether it’s in person or through mental health counseling online—it can feel like a closed loop. They’re doing the work. The therapist is guiding the process. And you? You’re on the sidelines, trying to support them without much direction.
But the truth is, therapy is just one piece of the puzzle. What happens in between sessions at home, during conflict, and in the quiet moments matters just as much.
That’s why I created the Family & Friends Foundational Class. It’s a space where people can learn what DBT is, why it works, and how they can support someone they love without losing themselves in the process.
We’re not here to train therapists. We’re here to support caregivers. And that shift—where families feel empowered, not excluded—can change everything.
What Being Supportive Actually Looks Like
Being supportive doesn’t mean fixing someone’s pain. It doesn’t mean having the perfect response every time.
Support might look like:
- Choosing to pause and take a breath before reacting.
- Saying, “I hear you,” instead of jumping into solutions.
- Letting someone feel what they feel, without trying to talk them out of it.
- Taking care of your own nervous system so you can stay grounded during tough conversations.
These things sound simple. But when someone is in distress, they’re often the first things to go. Learning to respond with steadiness and care even when emotions run high is a skill. And just like any skill, it takes practice.
When Everyone Learns the Tools, the Whole System Shifts
The core skills of DBT, mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness were designed to help people build a life that feels worth living.
But when the people around them start learning and practicing those same skills, everything stabilizes. Communication improves. Conflict softens. People feel less alone in their pain.
One family I worked with told me that after just a few sessions, they finally felt like they understood what their daughter had been trying to express for years. That understanding created space for compassion, for trust, and for healing.
And the research backs this up. Studies show that when families are involved and educated, outcomes improve. People feel more supported. Caregivers feel less burnt out. The home becomes a safer, more supportive place for everyone involved.
Why Language Matters More Than We Think
I’ve heard well-meaning families use words that do more harm than good because they didn’t know there was another way to talk about what they were experiencing.
We don’t use terms that shame, stigmatize, or oversimplify what someone’s going through. We talk about emotional distress, trauma responses, and difficulty meeting needs in healthy ways. We avoid labels and judgment because they shut people down.
And when we shift our language, we shift the relationship. We stop asking, “What’s wrong with you?” and start asking, “What’s going on for you?”
That single shift opens the door to empathy. And for many families, it’s the first step toward healing.
Therapy is Part of the Journey, Not the Whole Path
Therapists provide structure, safety, and skills. But families provide continuity. They’re there during the everyday moments, the quiet ones, the overwhelming ones, the ones that never make it into a therapy session. When families feel equipped to navigate those moments, it creates a more stable foundation for growth.
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to say the right thing every time. But if you’re willing to learn, to listen, and to keep showing up, that matters more than you know.
Final Thought for Families
If you’re showing up for someone you love, and it feels hard, messy, or unclear—you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing something incredibly human. And if you’re tired, overwhelmed, or afraid, you deserve support too. You’re not the therapist. But you are a vital part of the healing process.
At Columbus Counseling Group, we understand that healing takes a collective effort. Through our supportive resources like the mental health counseling program and Mental Health Counseling Online, we’re here to walk with both individuals and families—every step of the way.
